Presenting Eden

Eden family in the Tanout area - Copyright Eden Foundation

Today I had two Eden presentations (one in the morning and one in the afternoon) and they went very well - my first commitment since the news of my mother's illness. I was a little worried at first because I was sooooo dizzy (I didn't sleep much tonight because I somehow got it into my head that the alarm wouldn't go off in the morning; not that it helped worrying about it...), but I survived the day without losing my train of thoughts and the message came through.

I love presenting Eden's work and showing how such a laughably simple solution (helping the farmers establish drought-tolerant trees and bushes that bear fruit, even in times of need) can give such outstanding results; how the poor can be joyful and how easy it can be to achieve a sustainable solution if you only have the time, commitment and patience to see it through.

Collecting Eden fruits from the family field
- Copyright Eden Foundation

Now I am well aware that few projects plan the future in terms of generations and that Eden is quite unique in this matter. I am aware that others think I miss out on many adventures by not changing scenery now and then - after all, with all my knowledge and experience, I could take jobs in so many other places. However, the thing is (and I say this whole-heartedly) that I would rather spend the rest of my life working with one thing that I know truly makes a difference, than spending a few years here and a few years there and in the end not accomplishing any true difference.

A small fortune of Eden fruits - Copyright Eden Foundation

I love Niger with all my heart, despite its weaknesses and turtle-paced progress. I love Eden because I get to help the poorest of the poor - the inhabitants of the least developed area in the least developed country in the world - to achieve a sustainable solution, and we get to do it from scratch. It's a huge challenge, but I love challenges, and so yet again, I am incredible fortunate!

Now, as you may or may not already have figured out, I wish I could be spending all my days (nearly, at least!) in the land "that stands still", the land that so few people know anything about. But I can't at the moment - have to work on my finances etc - but there is one thing I can do here in Sweden which concerns Niger, and that is to be the messenger of glad tidings and let the people of the Developed World know that there really is a solution for the poor, that both poverty and desertification is reversible and that they can be a part of letting that happen. So can you!

Little Illa with his Eden fruits, one my favorite pictures!
- Copyright Eden Foundation

Greetings!
Ishtar

Where to raise your children

Lol, I really must be one of the greatest Niger-fans on this entire planet!

Today I read an article in the Swedish paper Aftonbladet, which stated that Sweden is the best country to live in if you are a mother.

At the bottom of the list was none other than Niger, in terms of insurance, health care, female life expectancy, education, financial inequality between the sexes, parental insurance (or lack of...?), female involvement in politics, child mortality rate etc... (The list was long).

Now, all this is true - and Sweden is really a comfortable place to bring up your children, and yet... there is no place on earth where I would rather raise my children than in Niger!

Copyright Eden Foundation 2007

Material wealth and security in all its honor, but the difference - for me - between Niger and Sweden is that in Niger, I have time. Time to think, time to spend with others, time to inspire and figure out what life is really about. Though I would probably be so much more efficient if I lived the rest of my days in Sweden, I never really feel as if I am "alive". Life in Sweden is so much about work, work and work. My tinnitus goes up, my neck muscles ache and my dizziness increases and I know it's only from the mental stress that I create in my mind.

So despite what the papers say, my choice is Niger. I am Swedish and I enjoy meeting all my friends and relatives there - and Niger is truly at times one of the most awkward places on earth, but there is a very special sincerity to it that I find precious and rare, and which I would like to pass on to my own children on day.

Now your turn!



Ishtar

Back to square one

I never thought that baring one's soul and facing one's worst fears could be so exhaustive, but it certainly is. Last time things got bad - when this whole journey started in January 2005 and my mom was evacuated from Niger - I reacted by going into shock when the whole thing was over and she had been flown home.

It wasn't something I chose to do: I just didn't dare to reach out and take hold of God's outreached hand, because I was so afraid of getting disappointed if he did not answer our prayers. But he did, many times over. When your loved one is hospitalized in the world's least developed country where they have so few resources you wonder if they can actually save any lives at all - you get to see every miracle for what it really is. I've always said that life in Niger is much more black & white than in Europe, and that's one of the reasons why I love it so.

Now we're back to square one however. Only difference now is that there is even less to hope for than last winter, as the cancer seen with human eyes is irretrievable.

And yet, I am full of hope. I know that it is not from my own strength, but a gift from above. I choose to put my trust in someone so much greater than us all, and he has responded. I know that the little girl inside of me cannot in any way rejoice over the fact that my mother is facing such a long and painful process with no human of hope of surviving, but I know that my God is a God of miracles, and I know that he will be with us all the way. Whatever the outcome, whether good or bad, I know that the day will come when it will all make sense and I will be able to see why it was for the best, even though I couldn't at the time.

My life is full of meaning and I do not regret it one minute, despite the costs. There is good and evil in my life. There is black and white. There is anguish and hope, faith and despair, but above all, there is love in abundance.

My mother and I (1981)

Love comes at a price, but that price is worth it. I love my mother to bits. I cannot fathom life without her and I don't think that I will ever experience the innocence of youth again. However, I am so blessed through all of this and my heart is singing a song of joy. Funny how it is always so much easier to take that leap of faith when you have nothing to lose and everything to win.

Ishtar

Heartbroken

I am heartbroken.

We were informed last night that my mother's cancer has returned, and what seemed to be a somewhat stable situation has been shredded to pieces in a fortnight.

Tears are flowing constantly, but I do not expect them to stop. I love my mother so much.

I lift my head high and seek the Lord, for He has promised me that he will be my strength. Day by day - hour by hour. I know that we never get more than we can master and so when the stakes are raised, His presence increases. Though I am crying, I know that everything will be ok. Not by my own strength, but by His.

I love my mother. I love her so much that my hearts breaks at the mere thought of losing her. I love her so much that I would want to hold her tight and never let her go.

I wouldn't want life any other way though. I wouldn't want it - with all its good - without all its bad. I know that the pain is a price to pay, but I would not have wanted to live without the love.

I have no answers today. I have no promises for the future. I do know however that the Lord is my rock and in Him, I will seek refuge and strength. I don't expect it to get any easier along the way, but I know that He will carry us. His promise to me last year was: "Come to me and I will carry you, day by day."

And so I will. Day by day, hour by hour. With my broken heart and all my fears.

Ishtar

Claiming the Internet

There's so much you can do with your blog that tending to it could actually be a full time job! Unfortunately, I don't have time for that... Africa is waiting! :-)

Ishtar

Happy people

I just realised that there's only four months left until I get to see Africa again! Can't wait... Good thing time is flying right now, because at the rate I'm keeping busy, the coming summer is just going to fly away. Good thing too that good memories last for so long... I am so fortunate to have them!

Ishtar

Niger vs Sweden

So! The first two weeks in Sweden have passed and the days are just flying away. Life right now seems to be all about trying not to stress (you should see all the posts in my outlook!), drinking too much coffee (who said anything about quitting?), working lots and lots of hours (free time, what is that?), eating chocolate to compensate for I-don't-know-what (what happened to the starvation mode I so genuinely appreciated less than a month ago?), going for as many walks as I can (it's not horseback riding but at least it's physical movement!) and trying to squeeze in personal engagements in between work shifts and other activities. I may have thought that Ishtar was going to last longer, but after a week, the African in me was losing so much ground that I eventually made up my mind to head back a month earlier, which has made me unexplainable happy for a number of days!

The fact is, true transition has been non-existent this year as I keep thinking about Niger all the time. Just the other day, I talked to my entire workplace about Africa and got them all wishing they could head out in the world and contribute as volunteers. I even met a Somali family (my last clients) and we started talking about Africa – no big surprise there. It wasn't until I saw that my colleagues were packing up (the shop had closed by then) that I realised that it was time to move on. Lol! And there I was, thoroughly enjoying myself – after all, it’s not every day that I meet fellow Africa-experts to talk to in this Nordic country!

Now; the Nigerien Ishtar would hardly have put in a second gear, but the Swedish me did move on, knowing there were other people waiting for me to commune back home (and no Hanna, I wasn't late in the end). Just had to say that although yes, work is picking up and my schedule is getting cramped, I'm not so stressed as to forget about Africa and its people and peculiarities that I have so fallen in love with.

When I finally made it home from work, I made three phone calls to Niger. Snowman was genuinely happy to hear my voice again and we talked for quite a while, as the skype connection was good (for some funny reason it actually costs me less to call a mobile phone in Niger than it does to call a mobile phone in Sweden). He accused me of foul-play (for not being there), said they all missed me, that the race track had lost its charm, and that he was pulling back until I returned.
"Oh," I said cheerfully, referring to the who's-whos and all the who's-who's-wannebees of Zinder that I don’t exactly admire. "Are the others suffering of low spirits right now?"
”Aaargh, they are disastrous!” he replied, mentioning some of the Goldman's people whose conduct he did not appreciate. I told him I was looking forward to stirring things up when I returned again. We both agreed however that six months was a long time to wait, and although I tried to sooth him saying that it was in fact only five months and three weeks left, he did not bye into my cheerfulness...

An hour later, I called Yaronbaba (my jockey, in case anyone has forgotten!) who was at the race track with one of my mares. I called just to hear how things were going, and thought that the timing was great since Ali was there too. Surprisingly, it was actually easier to communicate with Yaronbaba (who is used to phone conversations) in Hausa that with Ali (who does not know who to communicate by phone!) in French. In other words, my Hausa level is rising and this in turn has inspired me to pick up my Hausa books and keep it alive (and flourishing!) during the time that I am away. What better way to surprise Yaronbaba that to return fully fortified with a complete sense of Hausa grammar structure??? Especially when one just looooves surprises!

OK, got to dash! (Just watched Briget's Jones Diary again the other night...) Work awaits me tomorrow morning, but on Monday (!) I hope to have a moment to spare!

Cheers!
Ishtar

Back in Sweden!

So - I've been in Sweden for 3,5 days now and I'm starting to adjust. Slept two hours on the plane so Friday was a bit groggy. Have been working on settling in and trying not to miss Africa too much (won't do me much good since I'm sticking around here for another five to six months!). Anyway, here's a little summary I put together just for fun!

Hours of sleep per night since arriving: 10
Cups of coffee had since setting foot on Swedish soil: 9
Hours spent talking to my sister and other family members: +12
Money spent since arriving: 0 kr
People met: 6 (people that I know)
Hours spent bicycling: 0
Hours spent walking in the sunshine: 7
Meals cooked: 1
Restaurants visited: 1

Numbers of kg gained since arriving: so far 0
People concerned about my current weight: 1
My odds as I see it of keeping my current weight: 0
Minutes spent longing for Africa: +200
Number of calls made to Niger since arriving: 3

Minutes spent worrying about my future(finances etc): surprisingly few
Minutes spent stressing: 0
Contacts with workplaces: 2
Working days scheduled this week: 2 (+1 pro bono)
Hours spent organizing my life in Microsoft Outlook: 2
Days spent being happy and feeling fulfilled: 3,5 (of 3,5!)

So there you are! I'll let you know in a week or so if the stress mode has gone up somewhat. But right now it is surprisingly cool and "African"!

Cheers!
Esther

Playing around with Arwen

Horses have such a calming effect on me... Brings out the child within!

I'm going to miss my girls!!

Ishtar

Goodbye so soon

I can't believe it's almost time to go! I've been here for sixth months now, but it feels like I came yesterday... On Thursday it's already time to fly back to Sweden! What happened???

I'm going to miss Zinder!!! Fortunately, I'll be back again and considering the schedule that awaits me in Sweden, time will probably go even faster than it did here!

Ok, better go back to all the things that need to be done before I leave. Things are getting hectic now!

Ishtar