Peace

There are different times for everything.

There is a time to be joyful, and a time to be sad.
There is a time to laugh, and a time to cry.

This should be a time of darkness,
and similar situations have previously tormented my soul.
This time however, it's all different.

I feel neither fear nor despair, for there is light in the darkness.
There is peace and there is joy.
There is fulfillment in my heart,
and every time I get back from my mother's hospital room,
I feel overwhelmed with gratitude and hope.

I cannot really describe it -
it is not something I have done through my own power.
It is a gift, and I am so immensely grateful for it.

I know that there are many people out there
who look at my mother's situation and feel despair.
Many who think that we should be angry,
resentful and bitter towards God.
I do not feel any of those things.
My mother is at peace, she is full of hope,
and eagerly awaiting her promised gift.
Although we do not always get the promises that we want,
He always keeps the one he gives.

But no matter what happens in the future,
I do not believe that life can get any better than this.
I never expected my soul to feel such peace in such a dark hour,
but it does.

There is joy and there is happiness.
There is gratitude and there is love.
There is hope.

And all that in abundance.

We have all reason to grieve,
but there is no room left for that in our hearts.
How could my soul do anything but rejoice??

Ishtar

Trusting the impossible

My mother and I, Cyprus 1983

Once again, I don't exactly know what to say, but the difference between tonight and two posts ago is that this time, I'm not feeling down. Things have been looking very gloomy indeed and my mother is getting weaker by the day. Today, she could hardly walk and her body was aching everywhere. It seems that this cancer is living a life of its own, because this is not the forecast we were given eight weeks ago. Although I felt that old panic resurface when my mother talked about her immense headache and the possibility of the cancer having spread to her brain (she has been correct in her predictions so far, so there's little use in trying to tell oneself that the odds are against it and it would be far too early according to the doctor's predictions), I also felt a new kind of clear-sightedness take hold as my sister and I went for a walk and talked things through.

There is a battle going on, for someone is desperate to have her "out of the way". It wasn't enough to have her banned from Africa and sentence her to a life away from what she held so dearly - for that was the prospect after her heart failure evacuation in January 2005: Never to go back to Niger, West Africa.

Then her cancer was discovered. It was said to be a very aggressive one and the doctors talked about it returning within a few years. Not an if, but a when - that when however being in a few years' time. Four months after completed treatment however, it was already back, having spread throughout her skeleton and to her lungs. The good news then was that skeleton cancer is so slow, and that there wouldn't be much pain involved. Well, the doctors have been wrong there as well. This is a very speedy thing which is being fuelled for a reason far greater than I can understand.

Now, that pestering little voice I was talking about two posts ago has been proclaiming lately that her time is up and that from now on, everything we do for her is useless. She will never get to go home to Niger again and we might as well back up the project and leave. However, there is a different song singing in my heart. It doesn't say anything about the what, the when or the why, but it tells me to where to put my trust. It tells me to believe in the impossible, and to rejoice, even though times are hard. And I will.

Ishtar

Presenting Eden

Eden family in the Tanout area - Copyright Eden Foundation

Today I had two Eden presentations (one in the morning and one in the afternoon) and they went very well - my first commitment since the news of my mother's illness. I was a little worried at first because I was sooooo dizzy (I didn't sleep much tonight because I somehow got it into my head that the alarm wouldn't go off in the morning; not that it helped worrying about it...), but I survived the day without losing my train of thoughts and the message came through.

I love presenting Eden's work and showing how such a laughably simple solution (helping the farmers establish drought-tolerant trees and bushes that bear fruit, even in times of need) can give such outstanding results; how the poor can be joyful and how easy it can be to achieve a sustainable solution if you only have the time, commitment and patience to see it through.

Collecting Eden fruits from the family field
- Copyright Eden Foundation

Now I am well aware that few projects plan the future in terms of generations and that Eden is quite unique in this matter. I am aware that others think I miss out on many adventures by not changing scenery now and then - after all, with all my knowledge and experience, I could take jobs in so many other places. However, the thing is (and I say this whole-heartedly) that I would rather spend the rest of my life working with one thing that I know truly makes a difference, than spending a few years here and a few years there and in the end not accomplishing any true difference.

A small fortune of Eden fruits - Copyright Eden Foundation

I love Niger with all my heart, despite its weaknesses and turtle-paced progress. I love Eden because I get to help the poorest of the poor - the inhabitants of the least developed area in the least developed country in the world - to achieve a sustainable solution, and we get to do it from scratch. It's a huge challenge, but I love challenges, and so yet again, I am incredible fortunate!

Now, as you may or may not already have figured out, I wish I could be spending all my days (nearly, at least!) in the land "that stands still", the land that so few people know anything about. But I can't at the moment - have to work on my finances etc - but there is one thing I can do here in Sweden which concerns Niger, and that is to be the messenger of glad tidings and let the people of the Developed World know that there really is a solution for the poor, that both poverty and desertification is reversible and that they can be a part of letting that happen. So can you!

Little Illa with his Eden fruits, one my favorite pictures!
- Copyright Eden Foundation

Greetings!
Ishtar