Peace

There are different times for everything.

There is a time to be joyful, and a time to be sad.
There is a time to laugh, and a time to cry.

This should be a time of darkness,
and similar situations have previously tormented my soul.
This time however, it's all different.

I feel neither fear nor despair, for there is light in the darkness.
There is peace and there is joy.
There is fulfillment in my heart,
and every time I get back from my mother's hospital room,
I feel overwhelmed with gratitude and hope.

I cannot really describe it -
it is not something I have done through my own power.
It is a gift, and I am so immensely grateful for it.

I know that there are many people out there
who look at my mother's situation and feel despair.
Many who think that we should be angry,
resentful and bitter towards God.
I do not feel any of those things.
My mother is at peace, she is full of hope,
and eagerly awaiting her promised gift.
Although we do not always get the promises that we want,
He always keeps the one he gives.

But no matter what happens in the future,
I do not believe that life can get any better than this.
I never expected my soul to feel such peace in such a dark hour,
but it does.

There is joy and there is happiness.
There is gratitude and there is love.
There is hope.

And all that in abundance.

We have all reason to grieve,
but there is no room left for that in our hearts.
How could my soul do anything but rejoice??

Ishtar

What really matters

After a very painful night with no sleep, my mother was finally brought to hospital early yesterday morning by ambulance. My sister and I joined her a few hours later and stayed until reception hours were over; having a very good time together.

I have decided to stay off work for some time, even though I need the money. As a volunteer for Eden, I have no salary and that is why I've been working as much as I can during my summer stay in Sweden. I should also have started looking for sponsors by now, but there hasn't been any time for that. Financial issues however are very low on my list of worries right now, because my heart's desire is to be there with her daily until my dad comes back from Niger, which is in about two weeks time. What does it matter if I don't get to go to Niger as early as I was hoping for or if I can't stay there for as long as I had planned? There are things in life that are more important than others, and there is a tremendous internal freedom in letting go of the so called "control".

One of the things I value about Niger is the fact that we are constantly reminded of our human shortcomings and don't take it upon ourselves to live the perfect life. In the Western world, we have all these possibilities and options (but not all of them - we are still mortal) and strive to achieve perfection, but what is "the perfect life" anyway? Few people in the Western world take the time to be with one another. A lot of the patients on my mother's ward are lonely and without visitors. There is so much despair in that part of the hospital, and cancer has ruined their lives.

It was a very weird day yesterday. At first, I cried, but I think it was mostly due to exhaustion, since I hadn't slept more than four hours. But then I was reminded of the steady song in my heart and my great expectations for the future. If nothing else, my prayer is that all the patients on my mother's ward will be able to share that heavenly peace of hers and to know that there is more to life than what meets the eye. I do not see any injustice in what is going on. I only feel immensely blessed that we can have such peace in a moment like this.

Take care you all!
Ishtar

Picture of my sister's dissertation

Jönköping, June 20th 2007

After the Defence, the head of her supervising committee held a speech

Having passed, my sister is awarded her very own Swedish PhD hat - which I didn't even know existed!!

There was even a dissertation cake! The things I learned about Swedish formality...

Over at the feast location, the flowers were being places on the tables

And my sister and I traded states of mind - she started to relax and me started to worry, as my part of the evening (as toastmaster) was just about to start.

The evening went great however, and the ambiance was wonderful!

So glad we could all be together!

Both my parents held speeches, which were very much appreciated!

My sister then got to open presents, which she seemed to appreciate, even though she's never really enjoyed being the center of attention.

Much unlike her younger sister, who voluntarily had put together a play where she went out of her way to play the role of a young ambitious overly optimistic research apprentice who soon found out that the road to perfection was not as easy as she had first imagined...

And last but not least, the food was great!
Hope you enjoyed, for we most certainly did!

Ishtar

Preparing for hospital

The hospital called today to say that they have finally managed to make room for her at the hospital. So tomorrow morning, the ambulance will arrive to pick her up at 06.30 am - if all goes well. My sister and I will follow in our car a little while later, and from then on, we'll just have to take things as they come.

I don't know what is going to happen in the future; when I will go to work again, when I will be home, when I will have time to blog. Those things are of lesser matter than being there for her during the two weeks that remain until my father comes back. In the mean time, I leave you with a family picture from my sister's dissertation on the June 20th, when the whole family was gathered in one of our rare complete family reunions. Will let you know of any development as soon as I can.

From left to right: Me, my Dutch sister-in-law, my Scandinavian brother, my Norwegian father, my Swedish mother and my multi-linguistic sister who is now the proud possessor of a PhD...

My sister and my mother, right after my mother's beautiful speech.

Greetings,
Ishtar

Trusting the impossible

My mother and I, Cyprus 1983

Once again, I don't exactly know what to say, but the difference between tonight and two posts ago is that this time, I'm not feeling down. Things have been looking very gloomy indeed and my mother is getting weaker by the day. Today, she could hardly walk and her body was aching everywhere. It seems that this cancer is living a life of its own, because this is not the forecast we were given eight weeks ago. Although I felt that old panic resurface when my mother talked about her immense headache and the possibility of the cancer having spread to her brain (she has been correct in her predictions so far, so there's little use in trying to tell oneself that the odds are against it and it would be far too early according to the doctor's predictions), I also felt a new kind of clear-sightedness take hold as my sister and I went for a walk and talked things through.

There is a battle going on, for someone is desperate to have her "out of the way". It wasn't enough to have her banned from Africa and sentence her to a life away from what she held so dearly - for that was the prospect after her heart failure evacuation in January 2005: Never to go back to Niger, West Africa.

Then her cancer was discovered. It was said to be a very aggressive one and the doctors talked about it returning within a few years. Not an if, but a when - that when however being in a few years' time. Four months after completed treatment however, it was already back, having spread throughout her skeleton and to her lungs. The good news then was that skeleton cancer is so slow, and that there wouldn't be much pain involved. Well, the doctors have been wrong there as well. This is a very speedy thing which is being fuelled for a reason far greater than I can understand.

Now, that pestering little voice I was talking about two posts ago has been proclaiming lately that her time is up and that from now on, everything we do for her is useless. She will never get to go home to Niger again and we might as well back up the project and leave. However, there is a different song singing in my heart. It doesn't say anything about the what, the when or the why, but it tells me to where to put my trust. It tells me to believe in the impossible, and to rejoice, even though times are hard. And I will.

Ishtar

Land of Eden

My turn to be peopleized! Szavanna, the Hungarian music lover (currently living in SA) whom I interviewed a little while ago, has interviewed me back! The original interview is posted on her site Szavanna Blog, entitled Niger - Land of Eden - as seen by Ishtar.

Niger - Land of Eden - an interview with Ishtar

Peopleized by: Szavanna - Monday, 25 June 2007

About Ishtar, Niger and the Eden foundation - just an intro actually - make sure you get the bigger picture on Ishtar's blog - once you have seen her it - you will probably spend the rest of your night reading through all her stories.

Szavanna: Hi Ishtar - thanks for agreeing to answer my questions. My first question of course is - how did you end up in Niger in 1986? What connections did your parents have with Africa?

Ishtar: My Dad first crossed the Sahara desert the mid 1970s, when the first seed of Eden was born. There’s an article on Eden’s website entitled The Lost Treasures of Eden, which talks about how he came across a plant growing in the middle of nowhere. He was struck by its potential and wondered what the consequences would be if such a plant could give human food.

My parents chose Niger because out all the countries in West Africa, it was the country most threatened by desertification, and yet was at the time receiving the least international aid. So that’s the reason why we packed all our belongings and drove south from Tunisia to Niger, a journey that took a little more than five weeks.

Szavanna: You write that you stay 6 months in Sweden and 6 months in Niger - what do you do in those half-year periods?

Ishtar: Well, when I’m in Africa, I work with PR, writing Eden newsletters and articles, working with correspondence and training the Eden field team in what kind of information our sponsors (most of the private people) are interested in hearing. We have a very rich material with 7000 pictures and lots of social documentation, so to me, it’s a dream job because there is always something to say.

The only catch with working as a volunteer in Niger is that I don’t get paid, so when I’m in Sweden, I mostly work (for money, currently I have two jobs), hold Eden presentations and catch up with friends and family.

Szavanna: Describe a day in Niger - what do you do from the moment you wake up till you go to sleep?

Ishtar: Wow, what nostalgia you awake! Normally I start the day with work, but it’s my intension to start every morning with a quick ride, even if it means going up at six o’clock. Just have to get to bed later, meaning I can’t sit up and blog, hehe! Anyway, work hours in Niger are between 07.30-12.30 followed by a long siesta, only to pick it up again in the afternoon from 3.30-6.30 pm. When I was studying, I used bring out my books in the sun after lunch and wrap up in time to have a ride in the afternoons. Since discovering the solar oven, I normally fix the next day’s lunch in the evening instead of in the middle of the day, and this saves a lot of time as food is ready when you come home and you just have to take it out of the solar oven.

So somewhere after supper, I normally go into the kitchen and put together what seems to be a good mix. I really enjoy cooking and the solar oven has been an intriguing challenge as you have to rethink, as slow cooked food needs to be positioned in a certain way, and you also have to think about differences in texture and moisture. The best thing about solar cooked food however is neither that it’s time consuming or cheap, but the amazing richness is taste that you get!

As for the rest of the household chores, there is often a lot of people coming and going while you’re at home. There’s the greengrocer man who sells fruit and vegetables, the meat man who (obviously) sells meat, the egg man from Kania and so on …

People are really into coming home to you in Niger, which is cool since you don’t have to rush around town trying to get hold of people, but it can also get a bit too busy, going from one person to another. There’s a man for just about everything, but the greatest luxury is having your personal tailor come with clothes you get to try at home, and if there is something that doesn’t fit, he fixes it! At least as long as it’s still fixable, that is…

So as you can see, my days are pretty much filled up with work, horses, household stuff and seeing people, an “obligatory” half-an-hour in the sun (I seem to need it as much as coffee and my daily timeout with the horses) and then finally keeping in touch with people in Europe. That’s why I started the blog in the first place, so that I could post all the pictures in the same place and not have to send them around all the time. I was into writing personal newsletters (still do, although not very frequently), but by the time I got them out, all my close friends had already heard the details, so they didn’t find them very interesting anymore…

Szavanna: Please introduce us to the Eden Foundation.

Ishtar: Ah… Eden Foundation is next to Niger the love of my life! Eden is, simply put, quite unique. It’s visionary, it’s down-to-basic kind of aid that makes a genuine contribution. It’s not the place to go if you’re a mainstream kind of person, because you wouldn’t like the time tables we use. If the development work you do is going to be sustainable in the end, it has to start from the inside, and Eden has a lot of patience. We believe in a simple solution, but we let things take their time. And the success has been huge. I came into Eden at a time when there were things to show for all the hard work, but my parents started off with just a vision. My role is easy: I look at the changes that are taking place within our Tanout society and I translate it to Western people so that they can see it for what it really is. I love telling people about Eden. I love holding presentations and telling people about the awakening that has taken place amidst the least developed area in the least developed country in the world. I show pictures of genuine happiness, of proud mothers and their healthy children, of fathers who have understood the value of trees and who have gone against local customs and stopped cutting down their perennials in order to get rid of crop-eating birds. When I present our Eden families to the rich in Europe, they marvel. I still remember the top bankers at a Swedish Rottary club who tanked me for coming to them, saying “We just can’t believe how those people can be so happy.” For them, it was an impossibility. Poor people with nothing but fruits – how could they be so happy? You see, Westerners have all the material but not the happiness. My dad is right when he writes: “It is difficult to understand, but just as the rich never found the right food, they never seem to find the right values either. The worst thing we can do is to be contemptuous toward the poor and their lifestyle. Electricity will not solve their problems, neither will cars. The infrastructure that would open Africa for export and import will not solve their problems and it may never even become a reality. By enabling people to produce their own food, so retaining their intrinsic dignity, they are being given a chance not by being told what to do, but by being given multiple options in life.” He wrote that more than twenty years ago and I still marvel, because there’s continuity about Eden and I like that.

Copyright Eden Foundation 2006

Szavanna: How would you describe Niger to someone who has never been there ( I know it's not easy to give a short description )

Ishtar: Niger is the country that stands still, for better or for worse. It’s a country where things take ages to come about and where stressful people go berserk. But that’s just the thing really. The first two weeks in Niger, when coming from any progressing areas, are disastrous, unless you’ve come for a vacation. However, after those first two transitional weeks, something within in you will change, and the real culture chock actually arrives when you come back to your home country, wondering why everybody is doing what they are without ever asking themselves why…

Szavanna: How did Niger and travelling in general changed how you look at life?

Ishtar: Ah… Niger is my little “life secret”. It’s a special pulse that I carry within me wherever I go. On the outside, I make a perfect Swede, but not a day that goes by when I’m away from Niger that I don’t think about it, when I don’t count the days until I go back. Traveling in general has made me a lot more humble towards other societies, but since I have been traveling since the age of 1, I don’t really know what I was like before I started traveling… :-) It’s just a natural part of my life, living in a world where we may all be very strong individuals, but where we still have to share with all our neighbors. Regardless of how much we have or don’t have in common!

shtar's Page

Authors Page: Szavanna

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Thanks the interview, Szavanna! Loved the questions (as you can see)!
And the photo collage was great!

Ishtar

Announcement!

Tomorrow is a big day!! After seven years of hard work in the area of venture capital, my sister will be adding the finishing (formal) touches to her dissertation Venture Capital for the Future - Implications of Founding Visions in the Venture Capital Setting at JIBS (Jönköping, Sweden), where she will defend her thesis at 2.30pm tomorrow afternoon. A feast will be held later in the evening, where I will be the toastmaster, probably looking something like this:


My sister and I are going through different stages right now. She is worried about the first part of tomorrow while I have to figure out some details for the evening. Can't tell you at this stage what I have been planning as there is always a slight risk that she decides to go and check out my blog just for fun, and then the surprised will have been spoiled. But I don't think she will disappointed. I only need to get my act straight, but that shouldn't be such a problem since I love standing in the center of the attention...?


Anyway, for those of you who do not know my sister, here's a picture (or rather, a picture gone painting) of the two of us writing our diaries in an oasis in the middle of the Sahara Desert sometime in late 1986. I am six years old, and she is ten. This was just before our family moved to Niger.

Tomorrow, the whole lot of us will be gathered and it's the second thing to a wedding. My parents will be there and my dear mother intends to hold a speech, but she is concerned because she intends to hold it in Swedish, "and there are those who only speak English..." :-) I think the day will be great; I'm still a little bit nervous because I have some things left to prepare (and my inspiration hasn't exactly been on top lately) but I only have one thing (apart from packing) left, so I think I should be all right... Won't be back until Thursday though.

Take care and make sure to fill the blog with comments while I'm away!

PS: For those wondering what my sister will be doing now that this seven year long journey is over, have a look at her new mission called The Vision Pioneers.

Ishtar

Hitting the concrete

Today, Josef and my father came back from Kano, where they had dropped off Renate and Tabita at the airport. An hour or so after arriving, we got a phone call from Josef who was bleeding. He had jumped over a telephone wire and hit the wall with his head. It did not look pretty but fortunately, Elisabeth is a trained nurse so she was handed over the responsibility of taking care of the wound. Once it was bandaged, my Dad and I brought him home with us to spend the night. My mom suggested that he might want to borrow one of my riding helmets next time he decides to be so athletic! :-)

Ishtar

First ones to go

Anette and my dad drove to Kano this morning. They're both flying to Sweden. My mom and sister were supposed to have come for Christmas, but my mom got a serious infection and so my dad is joining her instead. It's sad because we were really looking forward to seeing them again, but it feels good that he'll be by her side soon. She's been in a lot of pain lately and we all wish we could ease it in some way...

It's been great having Anette and my dad around (who would have thought that seven weeks could pass so quickly?) - now we'll have to see how well Sofia and I can do by ourselves... :-)

Ishtar

Play-aunts

Yesterday, Tabita, Anette, Sofia and I went out to look at the horses. We also walked over to Maurice's house and visited his family, as his youngest daughter Sadika is of the same age as Tabita, and they play a lot together - or should I say, looking and smiling at each other. Sadika has finally overcome her fear for me, and so I held her in my arms, and Sofia carried Tabita who was slightly sick and did not want to walk barefoot on the sand.
"I see Tabita has got three aunts now!" Maurice said happily, and yes, that's really true. Everywhere she turns, there is someone for her and she has picked up a lot of things since we arrived. Her favourites are tickling us in the back and washing up with whoever has enough patience to bear the shower involved...

Anette - which should by the way be pronounced "Aaaaaa....nETTe!" - has been the best of play mates and Sofia and I have had to accept coming second place... :-) Unfortunately for Tabita (and for the rest of us as well!) Anette will be leaving on Wednesday, together with my father, who will be rejoining my mother at the hospital. My mother was supposed to come with Miriam for the Christmas holidays, but they had to cancel their flight due to a number of sudden complications surrounding my mother's health. Things have been really tough for her lately and so we are glad that at least my dad is rejoining her, even though we would have wished - of course - to have them all here. God is near though and I'm so thankful, because without him, I don't know where we'd be right now.

Greetings!
Ishtar

Setting up an antenna on the roof

Email connections have been down right rotten these last weeks, and so I was really thrilled Josef and my father set up an antenna on the roof.


Tabita was skeptical at first and could not understand what her father and grandfather were doing on the roof! However, after watching the rest of us, she found it quite normal after a while... Perhaps she would even be able to help out herself next time...?

Ishtar

Enjoying the pool with Tabita

My birthday

My birthday started at 7.15 in the morning, when Josef, Renate, Tabita, Anette and my father came in singing the Garvi birthday tune that my sister wrote to my grandfather's birthday, many, many years ago... Though I had not slept for many hours that day, I must say that starting the day with a dose of Tabita is a great treat...

Pictures

Anette: going to West Africa for the first time in her life!

Arne Victor: Tired after a short night (so much to pack)!

Last shot from Europe!

Most passengers went off in Abuja - meaning we got the aircraft to ourselves for several minutes...