What really matters

After a very painful night with no sleep, my mother was finally brought to hospital early yesterday morning by ambulance. My sister and I joined her a few hours later and stayed until reception hours were over; having a very good time together.

I have decided to stay off work for some time, even though I need the money. As a volunteer for Eden, I have no salary and that is why I've been working as much as I can during my summer stay in Sweden. I should also have started looking for sponsors by now, but there hasn't been any time for that. Financial issues however are very low on my list of worries right now, because my heart's desire is to be there with her daily until my dad comes back from Niger, which is in about two weeks time. What does it matter if I don't get to go to Niger as early as I was hoping for or if I can't stay there for as long as I had planned? There are things in life that are more important than others, and there is a tremendous internal freedom in letting go of the so called "control".

One of the things I value about Niger is the fact that we are constantly reminded of our human shortcomings and don't take it upon ourselves to live the perfect life. In the Western world, we have all these possibilities and options (but not all of them - we are still mortal) and strive to achieve perfection, but what is "the perfect life" anyway? Few people in the Western world take the time to be with one another. A lot of the patients on my mother's ward are lonely and without visitors. There is so much despair in that part of the hospital, and cancer has ruined their lives.

It was a very weird day yesterday. At first, I cried, but I think it was mostly due to exhaustion, since I hadn't slept more than four hours. But then I was reminded of the steady song in my heart and my great expectations for the future. If nothing else, my prayer is that all the patients on my mother's ward will be able to share that heavenly peace of hers and to know that there is more to life than what meets the eye. I do not see any injustice in what is going on. I only feel immensely blessed that we can have such peace in a moment like this.

Take care you all!
Ishtar

What a luxury!

I woke up this morning after ten hours of sleep and the whole thing (that is, going to Niger in a few days) seemed so unreal... My body really wants to get into that final departure-mode when there's nothing left to do but waste the final hours away, but hey, that would be suicide right now because we're Saturday today and we're not leaving until Wednesday morning...

Anyway, every good day is something to be thankful for, and today seems to be one of those... They asked me yesterday if I wanted to work today (from 9am to 9pm, so it's not as if there would have been time for anything else!), but I actually said no and I'm really happy about that (although I never enjoy missing an opportunity, even if it would have been nothing more than an opportunity to make more money...). A whole day by myself seems like such a luxury! A whole day to do things without any stress! Ah... no wonder this is going to be a good day!

Sei Anjima! (= until we meet again)

Esther

Falkenberg, Sweden 2006