Heartbroken

I am heartbroken.

We were informed last night that my mother's cancer has returned, and what seemed to be a somewhat stable situation has been shredded to pieces in a fortnight.

Tears are flowing constantly, but I do not expect them to stop. I love my mother so much.

I lift my head high and seek the Lord, for He has promised me that he will be my strength. Day by day - hour by hour. I know that we never get more than we can master and so when the stakes are raised, His presence increases. Though I am crying, I know that everything will be ok. Not by my own strength, but by His.

I love my mother. I love her so much that my hearts breaks at the mere thought of losing her. I love her so much that I would want to hold her tight and never let her go.

I wouldn't want life any other way though. I wouldn't want it - with all its good - without all its bad. I know that the pain is a price to pay, but I would not have wanted to live without the love.

I have no answers today. I have no promises for the future. I do know however that the Lord is my rock and in Him, I will seek refuge and strength. I don't expect it to get any easier along the way, but I know that He will carry us. His promise to me last year was: "Come to me and I will carry you, day by day."

And so I will. Day by day, hour by hour. With my broken heart and all my fears.

Ishtar