Tuesday, July 03, 2007

What really matters

After a very painful night with no sleep, my mother was finally brought to hospital early yesterday morning by ambulance. My sister and I joined her a few hours later and stayed until reception hours were over; having a very good time together.

I have decided to stay off work for some time, even though I need the money. As a volunteer for Eden, I have no salary and that is why I've been working as much as I can during my summer stay in Sweden. I should also have started looking for sponsors by now, but there hasn't been any time for that. Financial issues however are very low on my list of worries right now, because my heart's desire is to be there with her daily until my dad comes back from Niger, which is in about two weeks time. What does it matter if I don't get to go to Niger as early as I was hoping for or if I can't stay there for as long as I had planned? There are things in life that are more important than others, and there is a tremendous internal freedom in letting go of the so called "control".

One of the things I value about Niger is the fact that we are constantly reminded of our human shortcomings and don't take it upon ourselves to live the perfect life. In the Western world, we have all these possibilities and options (but not all of them - we are still mortal) and strive to achieve perfection, but what is "the perfect life" anyway? Few people in the Western world take the time to be with one another. A lot of the patients on my mother's ward are lonely and without visitors. There is so much despair in that part of the hospital, and cancer has ruined their lives.

It was a very weird day yesterday. At first, I cried, but I think it was mostly due to exhaustion, since I hadn't slept more than four hours. But then I was reminded of the steady song in my heart and my great expectations for the future. If nothing else, my prayer is that all the patients on my mother's ward will be able to share that heavenly peace of hers and to know that there is more to life than what meets the eye. I do not see any injustice in what is going on. I only feel immensely blessed that we can have such peace in a moment like this.

Take care you all!


childwoman said...

Teach me to be strong like you. I was in pieces when my mum got in the hospital. I crumbled like a pack of cards. I want to be a rock for her. For my father.....but I am the weakest link.. :(

Ugo Daniels said...

It's gonna be well. My heartfelt prayers to you adn yur family at this trying times. Lots of hug!

Ishtar said...

@Childwoman: I find my strength in the Lord, Tara. When I first heard the news about the spread of her cancer, I was devastated and I cried for days. I called out to him, not really believing that he would be able to bear a burden like this one for me. But he answered me that very night and gave me peace. I've been keeping very close to him every since!

@Ugo: Thanks a lot man! Just came back from hospital myself and yes, I must say, I really believe that it's going to go well! Despite the gloomy prospects and the speedy spread going on in her body right now!

Beaman said...

I hardly know you but it's always sad to hear about someone who is sick. I hope your mum recovers very soon. Best Wishes.

princess said...

Hmmm....my heart goes out to you @ this trying time. Am happy you are taking it this way, so proud of you. Your mum looks very peaceful and it gladens my heart.

Kanute said...

Be strong, life is full of surprises and never goes the way we planned.Take what comes your way;good or bad. you'll never walk ALONE. I bet you know that :-))

Ishtar said...

@Beaman: Thanks!

@Princess: You are right, my mother is very peaceful right now. She keeps telling us "I can't believe I can be so blessed! I can't believe that I can just lie here and be so fulfilled!"

@Kanute: Yes, life is full of surprises and I will not be surprised if things turn out as we least expect. You are so right; we never walk alone. Maybe that is why my soul is rejoicing the way it does, because I've finally understood what it means to let him lead the way - ALL the way.